Marriage typically gets harder after you have kids.
But it’s important to prioritize your spouse and your relationship even after you become a parent. Two marriage therapists share their top tips for doing just that.
This post is part of Relationships 101, a series which aims to help us all be happier and healthier in love — and to stop fighting over who should take out the trash.
“There is no such thing as a family vacation.”
So says Hal Runkel. He’s a marriage and family therapist, the author of “ScreamFree Parenting,” and a father of two.
When you and your partner head to the beach, or the museum, or the streets of Paris with small kids in tow, Runkel said, that’s basically the opposite of a vacation for the adults. “That’s a business trip,” he said. “You’re working your tail off.”
Working with couples in distress, Runkel helps them figure out other, more effective ways to re-invest time and energy in their relationship.
I spoke with Runkel and marriage therapist Rachel Sussman about the best ways to make your marriage a priority, even when you’ve got young kids in the house. Here are their top tips:
Get in touch with your guilt
Sometimes, when Sussman encourages clients to spend less time and energy on parenting, they’re shocked.
“But then,” Sussman said, “you start unpacking more.”
Inevitably, the client will say something like, “I’m guilty because I’m a working mother, so I do extra to spend time with them.” (Sussman said she hears this largely from female clients.) Or, the person will say, “I feel bad getting a babysitter,” because their job prevents them from being home to put the kids to bed every night.
But Sussman will tell them: “By making your children the most important thing, you are neglecting your partner. And then how is …read more
Source:: Business Insider